[Article] 8 Tips on How to Save Your Relationship/ Marriage From Crashing - By Racheal Tasker

There is a commonly held belief that going to marriage counseling is almost akin to admitting defeat in a marriage. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Marriage therapy should be a regular part of any marriage because matrimony is something that needs to be worked on consistently in order for a union to prosper. 

Just as football players need to scrimmage in order to stay sharp, married couples need to sustain their relationship by attending marriage counseling on a regular basis. Trust me, these 8 tips can help save your marriage:

1) Listening to your Partner

A communication breakdown is often the root cause of relationship problems, so repairing it can be extremely beneficial when learning how to save a marriage.  Whenever a marriage breaks down, it is often the case that both parties have issues that need to be dealt with. Sometimes, simply listening to the other person can help you understand what is wrong with the relationship, and you may even hear some recommendations on how to save a marriage from divorce. Listening to your partner also gives some understanding as to how he/she is feeling, and it may change the dynamics of the relationship once all the problems are laid bare on the table. 

2) Expressing your Feelings

In addition to listening to your partner’s feelings, you also need to be able to express your own feelings, so your partner can understand your point of view. Saving your marriage depends on many different factors, but the ability to listen and then share your own feelings can help to address some of the problems. It is never an easy thing to express frustrations and difficulties with the person you love most dearly, so having a marriage counselor, who can mediate and also participate in these exchanges, can give you the confidence to speak your mind while keeping the discourse rational. You should never disrespect or put down your partner because that will just create further animosity and resentment. 

3) Be Willing to Compromise

As with any relationship, compromise plays a large role in the ultimate success or failure of the endeavor. Saving a marriage also depends on how much each party is willing to accommodate the other person. At the same time, your partner should also be open to your ideas and views. A result of two people willing to bend to the needs of the other is the discovery of a middle ground where they can both be pleased with the dynamics of the relationship. Therefore, saving your marriage from divorce is all about making sure both you in the relationship are happy.

4) Stop Blaming the Other Person

Not assigning blame to your partner is one facet of how to save a marriage/ relationship. Pointing the finger at your partner will only make him/her feel further disconnected from you and he/she may not want to repair the marriage as a result. There is an old cliche that it takes two to tango, and this is also largely true in the breakdown of a marriage. It is very rare for one person to be solely responsible for the problems which can arise. Both people in the relationship often have grievances, which they believe were caused by the other party either through a lack of communication or unrealistic expectations. Blaming your partner for all the problems in is counterproductive and doesn’t contribute to restoring the relationship to a state of equanimity.

5) Spend Some Time Apart if Necessary

Depending on the current state of the relationship, it may also be a good idea to spend some time apart, so you and your partner can organize your thoughts and feelings. Most people don’t realize that taking a break in a relationship can be exactly what is needed when thinking of how to save a marriage. If the marriage has been stressful for quite some time, then spending some time away from each other can help you to reevaluate where things are in your relationship and what you would be willing to change in order to save it. Likewise, it can give your partner time and breathing space to think. After taking some time apart, it may be that you or your partner come to the realization of what it is like to be without the other, and this could be just the impetus needed for both of you to give the marriage another go.

6) Learn to Forgive and Forget

One thing that can drag a relationship down is holding onto the past wrongs your partner may have committed against you. Everyone makes mistakes, but learning to forgive those wrongs will pay dividends on your odyssey of learning how to save a marriage. It isn’t useful or conducive to harmony to keep digging up the past whenever you feel aggrieved by something your partner does that upsets you. Giving your partner a clean slate each and every day will help your marriage to flourish. Nobody likes being reminded of past slights, whether real or imaginary, and your spouse is no different. Learning to forgive and forget can help to restore the balance to your marriage. Saving a marriage also depends on whether or not your partner has the ability to apologize. In an ideal world, both people in a relationship should ask for forgiveness from each other, but even if this doesn’t occur, it is still important to let go of past mistakes for the sake of the future of your relationship.

7) Find Some Common Goals

One method, when learning how to save a marriage from divorce, is by finding some common goals you share with your partner. Getting guidance from a marriage counselor can be very helpful because he can put forward some suggestions that are acceptable to both parties in the relationship. Of course, doing this may mean that some compromises will need to be made in order to preserve the relationship, but the ability to compromise is one of the anchors of a solid marriage. There may no longer be many things you have in common with your partner, so agreeing to goals that are acceptable to both of you may take some hard work. Also, if you have kids or plan to have some in the future, it might be good to work out how that situation would play out. In other words, who will stay home to look after the baby and who will continue to work, or will both of you continue to work, and the baby can be placed in childcare? Figuring out some of these key issues before they become a problem can be worked through in marriage counseling sessions.